


Derelict

by autisticromana (eloralouistra)



Category: Gallifrey (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 08:19:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4472087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eloralouistra/pseuds/autisticromana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During Panacea, Narvin reflects on how much Romana means to him, and wishes she could see that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Derelict

**Author's Note:**

> Set during Panacea.
> 
> Many thanks to tumblr's irving-braxiatel for persuading me to post this. It's a fic I wrote a few years back, but was too nervous to share.

It’s obvious to Narvin who the _real_ President of Gallifrey is.

He’ll admit that Matthias is a skilled political player and almost admires the way he schemed his way to the Vice Presidency. He supposes Matthias is even a good man, deep down. But he jumped at the chance to take the most powerful position in the universe without ever understanding what the responsibility meant, and for that he will never have Narvin’s respect. If things were normal, if Gallifrey was as strong as it had been only a year ago, Matthias would be a perfectly acceptable President; no more significant, no more memorable than any in the past million years.

When Romana comes into the room, Matthias feels like a faint impression, a shadow of the fire that burns within the only President of Gallifrey that will ever matter to Narvin.

It seems impossible to remember that only a year ago he despised her. Even then, he had admired her for the determination and passion with which she fought for her “liberalization of the autocracy”. Even then, he had believed in and followed her; she was his President. Even then, he had cared about her, spending hours in futile arguments trying to persuade Romana not to put herself in danger. And then he had realised why, and it had turned his life upside down.

Romana sits in mocking condescension as Narvin explains the plan to acquire the cure for the Dogma Virus. It almost feels like any other time that he’s had to explain a new CIA scheme, knowing his President will ridicule everything he says, perhaps just on principle. It used to frustrate Narvin that whatever he did wasn’t the right thing, wasn’t enough for Romana, while now he just despairs of it. That doesn’t mean he’s ever going to stop trying.

Narvin almost forgets about Matthias; even with no rank Romana is so much more in command. It makes Narvin feel a little bit better that it’s him, rather than Matthias, that Romana’s attention is on, that she barely even looks at the so-called President. He knows it’s only because she’s too used to arguing with him to consider that he might be on her side but Narvin feels he’s earned the right to pretend he means something to her, however little.

Matthias seems to realise he’s being left out of the conversation, making attempts to take back control of it but Romana simply switches her glare of contempt to him for a few seconds before turning back to Narvin. Matthias is getting more and more irritated but as always, he manages to appear calm, a dull contrast to Romana’s temper tantrums whenever anyone forgot for a microspan that _she_ was in charge.

“Free Time will be no more. The cure will be ours and, of course, your own part in Gallifrey’s salvation would be properly acknowledged,” says Matthias, in another bid for recognition.

Romana sighs bitterly. “I doubt even you can restore my reputation on Gallifrey my _Lord President_ ,” she says and that’s the one thing Narvin’s been desperately trying to avoid thinking about.

"You’re right.” He doesn’t even notice, until looking back later, how she raises her eyebrows in jeering feigned surprise that he agrees with her or how he has to keep stopping to breathe in against tears threatening to choke him. “No one wants you here,” he lies, “And without the protection of your office, how long before some disgruntled deserter gets lucky and stasers you dead for their own gratification? But with your TARDIS back-“

“And subject to some minor caveats and travel restrictions-“ Narvin and Romana both ignore Matthias’ interruption.

“The universe will be your oyster. Officially, you’ll be renegade. Unofficially, the Agency will, I think, be far to busy over the next few centuries to bother with y _ou_.” Narvin tries to tell himself he means it; he tries to believe he’s strong enough just to let her go. He knows he’s not.  He understands now, why Vansell would so often choose the Doctor, or one of his other Academy friends, now renegade, for a mission that could be accomplished perfectly well by any Interventionist. It’s a perfect CIA deception to treat someone as an insignificant agent because you can’t let them know how much you need to see them.

Romana sighs, turning to her computer. “K-9… what do you think?” Narvin’s never noticed before, that she values even her tin dog’s opinions above his. Or perhaps, he thinks bitterly, it’s simply never bothered him before.

“Mistress. It is your decision.”

“A second chance, Romana.” Narvin has frequently found Matthias’s persuasive reasonableness infuriating but this is the first time he’s ever hated him for it.

“A new lease of life.” He tries to keep the note of despondency out of his voice but it’s impossible when she’s sitting there looking so tired, so much closer to defeat than Narvin’s ever seen her. It’s with a mixture of anguish and affection that he realises anyone else would be gazing into the fire in contemplation. Romana’s scowling at it.

“Oh, all right. I know when I’m beaten,” she sighs wearily. It hurts far more than he could have imagined to see her give up now, after everything she’s been through, after she’s won the war. Then she looks up, angry and defiant, the Romana he knows again, and she glares straight at him when she says, “But you three had better hope I don’t live to make you regret this.” And that’s the part that hurts most of all.


End file.
